Most who know me would agree that I deal with issues of control, but I always tried to make myself believe that I was ultimately giving control to God. Laying here in bed, bawling like a baby, it's crystal clear that that is the last thing I have done. This post won't be long, but I am asking for your support. There are some things that I have always wanted to change and continue to be so frustrated with the lack of progress toward those changes. Tonight the conviction of my weaknesses and my refusal to admit to them and afford all control to God has led me to a fork in the road. The path that I would normally take, convinced that I can handle these issues without succumbing to them, hasn't worked for me and will entice me no longer. The other path, the True path, turning it all over to God and submitting myself to His will, is the only path that will lead to the future God has laid out for me. The problem is, that path terrifies me. I have chosen to take the first step on that path, and have no desire to turn back. But I've been here before...and somehow I always end up finding a trail which allows me more control.
I am asking for support through your prayers. And if you feel comfortable or led to ask of my progress, I would be thankful for that accountability. From here, I can do no more than give myself to God and follow His lead. This is a point where He will carry me through the sand, to borrow the imagery of Footsteps. I am deciding right now to be comfortable in His arms and not fight for my own footing until I can be confident that I will walk beside Him and not away from Him.
Thank you for your prayers, your understanding and your support.